Child Transition Planning

Tips for managing transitions between homes, caregivers, or temporary housing.

Child Transition Planning

Packing List

Consistent items can make transitions smoother and reduce repeated conflicts over “who keeps what.” The lists below focus on basics you can adjust by age and season.

• Clothing basics
  • Enough outfits for the full stay (underwear, socks, tops, bottoms)
  • Weather-appropriate layers (sweaters, jackets, raincoat)
  • Sleepwear
  • Comfortable shoes (everyday), plus any special shoes (sports, school uniform)
  • Spare set of clothes in case of spills or accidents
• Hygiene and health items
  • Toothbrush, toothpaste, floss
  • Hairbrush/comb, hair ties
  • Deodorant, basic toiletries the child is used to
  • Prescription medications (in original containers, with instructions)
  • Medical information card (allergies, dosage schedules, doctor contact)
  • Glasses, contacts, hearing aids, or other assistive devices with cases
• School and learning
  • Backpack with homework, textbooks, and notebooks
  • Chargers for school devices (laptop, tablet)
  • Project materials or upcoming assignment instructions
  • School schedule (class times, bus info, teacher contacts)
• Comfort and routine items
  • Favorite small comfort items (stuffed animal, blanket, small toy)
  • Sleep aids child is used to (night light, white-noise device)
  • Transition object that can stay in the child’s bag (keychain, small photo book)
• Activities and electronics
  • Books, coloring materials, small travel games
  • Charged phone or device, plus charging cables
  • Headphones or earbuds
  • Pre-agreed apps or media (if using parental controls)
• Identification and key information
  • Copy of any relevant orders or agreements (in the caregiver’s possession, not necessarily the child’s)
  • List of key phone numbers (parents, trusted adults, school)
  • Written transition schedule the child can see and keep

Neutral Communication

Predictable, low-conflict communication about transitions can reduce stress on the child. The focus here is on simple, factual information.

• Core details to share before transitions
  • Pick-up and drop-off times
  • Location and who is driving
  • Any third person involved in transport (relative, friend, rideshare)
  • Unusual schedule changes (sports tournament, school event, appointment)
• Neutral phrasing options
  • “Drop-off is at 5:30 p.m. at the usual spot.”
  • “I will bring the school project and medication with [child] today.”
  • “The schedule this week is the same as last week.”
  • “If there is a delay, I will message as soon as I know.”
• Topics to keep out of child handovers
  • Arguments about past behavior
  • Blame or criticism directed at the other parent
  • Adult relationship issues not related to the child’s care
  • Demands for money or legal threats during pick-up or drop-off
• Written communication tools
  • Shared calendar for schedules, school events, activities
  • Written “transition log” (in a notebook or app) for:
    • Homework status
    • Medication given, times, and any side effects
    • Changes in sleep, appetite, or mood that may affect care
  • Short, factual messages instead of long explanations

Predictable Steps

Repeated, clear steps help children know what to expect at each transition, even if adult interactions are strained.

• Before the transition
  • Review the upcoming schedule with the child in simple terms:
    • “Today you go to [Parent A]’s. On Thursday, you go back to [Parent B]’s.”
  • Pack the child’s bag with them, using the same checklist each time.
  • Charge devices and place important items in a “transition spot” (by the door, on a specific table).
  • Give a short time warning (for example, “We leave in 15 minutes”).
• During the handover
  • Use the same location whenever feasible (school, public place, curbside, relative’s home).
  • Keep conversations brief and focused on the child’s immediate needs.
  • Ensure the child’s necessary items move with them:
    • Bag, school items, medications, comfort item if appropriate.
  • Offer the child a short, consistent goodbye phrase they can rely on.
• After arrival at the other home
  • Walk through a short arrival routine:
    • Put bag in a consistent place.
    • Check homework and school notices.
    • Confirm medication times if relevant.
  • Briefly check for missing essentials and note them for next contact.
  • Use a predictable visual schedule at home if the child benefits from seeing their routine.
• Weekly or monthly review
  • Check what consistently gets forgotten (charger, school paper, specific clothing).
  • Adjust the packing checklist to address recurring gaps.
  • Separate “every-visit items” from “stay-at-each-home items” to reduce conflict.

Emergency Adjustments

Unexpected changes can include illness, weather, transportation problems, or safety concerns. Planning options in advance can reduce confusion for the child.

• Information to keep ready
  • List of backup drivers or pick-up adults the child recognizes
  • Contact details for:
    • School or childcare
    • Regular doctor or clinic
    • At least one trusted adult not living with either parent
  • Copy of any court orders that affect who can pick up the child and when
• Backup transition locations
  • School or daycare as a neutral handover point
  • Public place with predictable hours (library, community center, supervised exchange center where available)
  • Relative’s home that both parents already use for child-related exchanges
• Contingency plans to pre-agree where possible
  • What happens if:
    • A parent is more than a set time late
    • Weather makes travel unsafe
    • The child is too unwell to travel
  • How changes are communicated:
    • Preferred method (text, app, email)
    • Simple, factual wording (“Car broke down, new ETA 6:15 p.m.”)
  • Whether there will be make-up time later, if that is part of an existing agreement or order
• Safety-focused adjustments
  • Choosing monitored or more public locations if conflict during handovers has been an issue
  • Arranging for a third party to handle drop-off or pick-up where possible and appropriate
  • Coordinating with school about who is allowed to collect the child and under what conditions
  • Keeping a private record of concerning incidents around transitions (dates, times, short factual notes)
• Helping the child understand changes
  • Use simple, non-blaming explanations:
    • “Plans changed because of the weather, so you will stay here tonight instead.”
  • Point back to the visual schedule or written plan and update it in front of the child.
  • Let the child know who they can contact if they feel confused during a schedule change.

Additional tools and professional supports related to child transitions and parenting plans may be listed through resources available at DV.Support.

Recommended Articles

• Safety Planning Checklist
• Preparing Kids for Transitions Between Homes
• Communication Log Template for Co-Parenting
• Using Neutral Drop-Off and Pick-Up Locations
• Important Documents Related to Children