Planning for High-Risk Moments

Clear steps for preparing for situations that may escalate quickly.

Planning for High-Risk Moments

Overview: High-Risk Moments to Plan For

Many people notice patterns in when things feel more dangerous or unpredictable. Planning ahead can create options and reduce last-minute decisions.

• When conflict escalates
• When leaving temporarily
• When leaving permanently
• What to keep accessible at all times

Additional tools and professional supports may also be found through resources listed at DV.Support.

When Conflict Escalates

Consider what tends to happen before, during, and after conflict. Use that to build a short, realistic plan.

Notice Early Warning Signs

• Make a short list of behaviors that usually happen before things escalate (tone of voice, comments, drinking, pacing, certain topics).
• Note your own body cues (tension, nausea, racing thoughts, trouble focusing).
• Identify common “triggers” for arguments (money, jealousy, phone use, work, family).
• Write down which times of day or days of the week are usually higher risk.

Options to Reduce Immediate Risk

• Move to a room where:
  • There is an exit (door to outside, hallway, stairs).
  • There are fewer items that could be used as weapons.
  • You are not blocked in a corner or against a wall.
• Keep a pathway to the door as clear as possible.
• Know at least one safe neighbor, nearby business, or public space you could go to briefly.
• If children are present, teach:
  • A simple phrase or word that means “go to our safe room.”
  • Where they can wait (neighbor, specific room, under adult supervision when possible).
  • That their job is to stay as safe as possible, not to intervene in conflicts.

Communication and De-escalation Options

• Have a few short, neutral phrases ready (for example, “I hear you,” “Let’s pause,” “I need a quick bathroom break”).
• Prepare an excuse to step away (“I need to check on the laundry,” “I have to make a quick call about work”).
• Decide when it may be safer to:
  • Say less or stay quiet.
  • Agree temporarily and revisit later, if that feels safer.
  • End the conversation by changing the subject or leaving the room.

Emergency Exit Plan for Escalation

• Identify:
  • The fastest way out of your home from 1–2 main spots you’re often in.
  • Safe places within walking distance (friend, cafe, store, 24-hour location).
  • Two people you could call or text if things escalate.
• Keep your phone:
  • Charged as much as possible.
  • Stored where you can reach it quickly, but where it does not attract attention.
  • With key numbers easily accessible (favorites, written list, or code words).
• Practice (mentally or physically) how you would leave the space quickly if needed.

When Leaving Temporarily

This section is for leaving for a short period: a few hours, overnight, or a few days, with the possibility of returning later.

Clarify Your Goal for Temporary Leaving

• Decide what the temporary leave is for, such as:
  • Cooling down after a conflict.
  • Gathering information or documents.
  • Meeting with an advocate, lawyer, or support person.
  • Trying out staying with a friend or relative.
• Consider how long you expect to be away:
  • Hours.
  • One night.
  • Several days.

Where You Might Go

• List at least 2–3 options, such as:
  • Trusted friend or family member.
  • Hotel or short-term rental.
  • Public space where you can think and plan (library, community center).
• For each option, note:
  • Address and how you would get there.
  • Whether the person or place can safely receive you without alerting your partner.
  • What you would say as a simple explanation for your visit.

What to Take for a Short-Term Leave

• Phone and charger.
• Keys (home, car, work, mailbox, storage).
• Wallet or basic payment method:
  • Some cash stored separately.
  • Bank card or prepaid card, if safe.
• Identification if possible:
  • Driver’s license or state ID.
  • Any other ID you carry.
• Essential medications or medical items for at least a few days.
• Small personal items you rely on daily (glasses, hearing aids, mobility aids).
• For children:
  • Any medications and comfort items.
  • Diapers, formula, or other essentials if relevant.

Digital and Communication Considerations

• Decide how you will communicate (or not) while away:
  • Will you answer calls or texts?
  • Will someone else know where you are?
• Consider using:
  • A separate email address that is not shared.
  • Message apps with disappearing messages if that feels safer.
• Check what is synced:
  • Shared devices, shared iCloud/Google accounts.
  • Location sharing on phones, cars, and apps.

When Leaving Permanently

Leaving permanently can involve more planning, documents, and long-term decisions. This section focuses on preparation steps, not legal or professional advice.

Planning Before You Leave

• Decide whether your partner will know about your plan in advance or not.
• Identify a date range or specific time that is:
  • Less monitored (work hours, appointments, when they are away).
  • During the day if possible (more open locations, services, and transport available).
• Note who, if anyone, needs advance notice (friend holding a spare bag, person picking you up).
• If safe, gradually move some items out ahead of time (documents, clothes, spare keys).

Documents and Information to Gather

• Personal ID:
  • Passport, driver’s license, state ID.
  • Birth certificate, Social Security card or similar national ID.
• Children’s documents:
  • Birth certificates, passports.
  • Custody or court papers, if any.
  • School or medical records you might need soon.
• Financial and housing:
  • Bank statements, account numbers, credit reports if accessible.
  • Lease, mortgage, insurance policies.
  • Car title, registration, and insurance.
• Work and education:
  • Work ID, pay stubs, contracts.
  • Diplomas, certificates, resumes.

Money and Practical Resources

• Set aside small amounts of cash where possible (separate from usual wallet).
• Explore options for:
  • Opening an account in your name only (if safe).
  • Prepaid cards, if available and unlinked to shared accounts.
  • Using a trusted person’s address for mail, if needed.
• Write down contact information for:
  • Potential housing options.
  • Local advocacy or legal information services.
  • Community or faith-based supports if you use them.

What to Pack for a Long-Term Leave

• Important documents or copies (as listed above).
• Clothing:
  • Several days’ worth of clothes for you and children.
  • Season-appropriate outerwear and shoes.
• Medications and health items:
  • At least a few weeks of any critical medication, if possible.
  • Prescription copies or photos.
  • Basic toiletries and hygiene items.
• Electronics:
  • Phone, charger, power bank.
  • Laptop or tablet if you use them for work or school.
  • Any external drives or USB sticks with important files.
• Children’s needs:
  • Favorite comfort items, if safe to take.
  • School supplies and devices.
  • Baby or toddler supplies.
• Small valuables:
  • Essential jewelry or keepsakes you do not want to lose.
  • Spare keys, important contact lists.

After You Leave: Safety Considerations

• Review:
  • Who knows your new location.
  • Where your mail is going.
  • What information appears online or on social media.
• Update:
  • Passwords and security questions for email, banking, and social media.
  • Location settings on devices, apps, and vehicles.
• Consider:
  • Changing routines for work, school, and errands.
  • What you tell workplaces, schools, or building staff about safety concerns.

What to Keep Accessible at All Times

Some items are useful to have within reach regardless of whether you are staying, leaving temporarily, or leaving permanently.

Core Grab-and-Go Items

• Phone, charger, and (if possible) a small power bank.
• Keys:
  • Home and car keys.
  • Spare set stored with a trusted person or in a secure place.
• Basic ID:
  • Driver’s license or other photo ID.
  • One backup ID, if available.
• Money:
  • Small amount of cash hidden separately.
  • Primary card and, if safe, a backup card.

Quick-Access Information

• Written or printed list (kept somewhere safe) of:
  • Key phone numbers (friends, family, taxi, work, school).
  • Addresses of potential safe places.
  • Contact details for local advocacy or information services.
• List of medications and dosages for you and any children.
• Important account information that might be needed in a hurry (partial account numbers, customer service lines).

Safe Storage Options

• Consider placing copies or photos of important items:
  • With a trusted friend or relative.
  • In a secure cloud account with a unique password.
  • On a small, hidden USB drive.
• If you create a “go bag,” think about:
  • Where it is stored so it does not raise suspicion.
  • Whether you want more than one small bag in different locations (work, trusted person).

Digital Safety Basics

• Keep a note of:
  • Which devices your partner has physical access to.
  • Which accounts they might know the passwords for.
  • Any shared accounts or subscriptions.
• When possible:
  • Use strong, unique passwords on key accounts.
  • Turn off location sharing on apps where that is safe to do.
  • Sign out of accounts on shared devices after use.

Creating Your Personal High-Risk Plan

You can combine the sections above into a short, personal plan.

• Write down:
  • Top 3 signs things are starting to escalate.
  • Where you will go inside the home during escalation.
  • Where you can go outside the home if you leave quickly.
  • What you will take if you leave temporarily or permanently.
  • 1–2 people who know at least part of your plan.
• Store this plan:
  • On paper in a safe location, or
  • Digitally in a secure notes app or email accessible only to you.
• Review your plan when circumstances change (new job, move, new devices, change in partner’s behavior).

Recommended Articles

• Safety Planning Checklist
• Gathering Evidence of Abuse
• Digital and Phone Safety Basics
• Preparing to Leave an Abusive Partner
• Important Documents to Secure Before Leaving