Managing Outing-Related Risks

Practical steps to protect privacy and prevent unwanted disclosure.

Managing Outing-Related Risks

1. Communications to Avoid

These options may reduce the chance that someone will use your private information to out you without your consent.

Written and Digital Messages

• Avoid sharing sensitive details (sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship details, immigration status, health information) in:
  • Text messages
  • Chat apps (including group chats)
  • Email subject lines
  • Social media direct messages
• Limit sending screenshots or photos that reveal:
  • Faces
  • Addresses or locations
  • Workplace or school details
  • Legal, financial, or medical documents
• Avoid sending sensitive information from:
  • Shared phones or computers
  • Work or school devices
  • Accounts someone else helped you set up
• Be cautious with:
  • Voice notes that name partners or identities
  • Shared photo albums or cloud folders
  • Group chats where messages can be forwarded

Social Media and Public Posts

• Avoid posting:
  • Relationship details that others could use against you
  • Check-ins or tagged locations with partners or queer spaces
  • Images with pride flags or events if that feels risky in your context
• Be cautious with:
  • Tagging people in posts or photos
  • Using your real name with sensitive groups or pages
  • Commenting publicly on LGBTQIA+ pages if others monitor your activity
• Consider keeping sensitive conversations off:
  • Family group chats
  • Religious or community group chats
  • Workplace communication channels

In-Person Conversations

• Consider avoiding or limiting identity-related details when:
  • People around you share information quickly
  • The person uses threats like “I could tell everyone”
  • Someone has pressured you to share before
• Be cautious when:
  • Others can overhear (thin walls, shared rooms, public areas)
  • Calls are on speakerphone
  • You suspect calls or rooms might be recorded

2. Who to Disclose To

Outing can involve safety, housing, income, or immigration risks. Planning who to tell and how can reduce some of those risks.

Questions to Consider Before Disclosing

• How has this person responded to LGBTQIA+ or privacy issues in the past?
• Do they respect confidentiality, or do they usually share others’ private details?
• Do they have power over you (housing, money, childcare, immigration, employment)?
• Could they use this information to control, threaten, or isolate you?
• What could they gain by outing you to others?
• What could they lose if they broke your trust?
• If they reacted badly, who else could support you?

Possible Lower-Risk People to Tell

• People who:
  • Have a consistent record of keeping others’ information private
  • Have limited contact with people you are most concerned about
  • Do not control your housing, finances, or immigration status
  • Have experience with confidentiality (some workers, advocates, or peer supporters)
• People whose values or past behavior show:
  • They are neutral or supportive about LGBTQIA+ issues
  • They do not use secrets as leverage in conflicts

People to Be Cautious About

• Individuals who:
  • Have threatened to expose anyone’s secrets before
  • Have strong control over your housing, income, or documents
  • Belong to groups that are openly hostile to LGBTQIA+ people
  • Share devices, accounts, or group chats with people you fear being outed to
• People who say:
  • “If you don’t tell them, I will.”
  • “I should tell your family so they know what’s going on.”
  • “If you leave me, I’ll tell everyone.”

Planning How Much to Share

• Decide how much detail is needed:
  • Basic label only (e.g., “I’m not straight” / “I’m trans”)
  • Limited detail relevant to safety or logistics (e.g., for a roommate or colleague)
  • No label, only describing your needs (e.g., “I don’t want you to talk about my relationships with others”)
• Options for how to disclose:
  • In writing (text, email) where you can choose words carefully
  • In person or on a call in a place you can leave easily if needed
  • Through a trusted third party, if that feels safer
• Clarify boundaries at the same time:
  • “I’m telling you this for your information only. Please do not share it with anyone else.”
  • “If someone asks, I’d like you to say you don’t know.”

3. Digital Safety Steps

These steps focus on limiting who can access or spread information that could be used to out you.

Devices and Accounts

• Review who has access to:
  • Your phone PIN or password
  • Your email and main social media logins
  • Shared laptops, tablets, or cloud storage
• Options to adjust:
  • Change passwords on key accounts (email, messaging apps, social media)
  • Turn off auto-login and saved passwords on shared devices
  • Use screen lock and disable lock-screen message previews if safe
• Check for:
  • Unfamiliar apps (cloning, monitoring, or “family safety” apps you did not agree to)
  • Accounts logged in on devices you no longer use

Messaging Apps

• Consider using apps with:
  • End-to-end encryption
  • Disappearing messages or auto-delete options
  • Lock or PIN for the app itself
• Review:
  • Archived chats that might reveal identity or relationship details
  • Backups to cloud services that someone else can access
• Limit:
  • Sharing of your live location inside chat apps
  • Sending images with identifying backgrounds

Social Media Settings

• Privacy checks:
  • Set profiles to private where possible
  • Review friend/follower lists and remove high-risk contacts
  • Turn off automatic tagging in photos and posts
• Visibility controls:
  • Use “close friends” or custom lists for sensitive posts
  • Limit who can see your “likes” and groups
  • Hide or remove old posts that could reveal information
• Safety from shared devices:
  • Log out after use on any device you do not fully control
  • Use private browsing or incognito mode when checking accounts

Email and Cloud Services

• Review where sensitive content is stored:
  • Backups of chats or photos in cloud drives
  • Identity documents or letters discussing gender or sexuality
• Options to reduce risk:
  • Move high-risk items to a more secure account or encrypted storage
  • Delete copies you no longer need, if that feels safe
  • Separate accounts (for example, one for general use and one for more private matters)

Planning for Possible Outing

• Consider in advance:
  • Who you would contact if someone threatened to out you
  • Where you could stay if your housing felt less safe afterward
  • What information you would want to correct or not respond to at all
• Keep useful information handy:
  • Contact details for supportive friends, coworkers, or community members
  • Phone numbers or bookmarks for legal information and local advocacy groups
  • Links to neutral resource directories such as those listed at DV.Support

Recommended Articles

• Digital Safety Basics
• Privacy and Technology Checklist
• Planning Who to Tell and When
• Protecting Personal Information Online
• Safety Planning Checklist