Parenting Safety Overview

A structured guide for maintaining child safety and routines without increasing risk.

Parenting Safety Overview

Predictable Routines

Predictable routines can reduce confusion and give children clear expectations when safety is a concern around another parent or caregiver.

• Outline a simple daily schedule (wake-up, meals, school, homework, bedtime) and keep it as consistent as possible.
• Use the same words and steps for regular tasks (for example, “shoes, backpack, door check” before leaving the house).
• Decide in advance how you will handle last-minute changes, such as a late pickup or a canceled visit.
• Keep a visible routine chart for children who can read, or use simple symbols or colors for younger children.
• Plan regular check-ins with children (for example, after school or after visits) so they know when they can share updates.
• Have a standard “end of day” routine that helps children transition from time with the other parent back to your home.

School Communication Safety

Clear safety planning around school communication can help manage contact with the other parent and protect private information.

• Make a list of schools, daycare providers, and after-school programs that may need safety-related information.
• Ask how each school or program:
  • Verifies identity at pickup
  • Handles changes to who is allowed to pick up a child
  • Manages emergency contact details
  • Documents concerns or incidents
• Consider what you want in writing, such as:
  • Who is authorized for pickup
  • Any court orders the school needs on file
  • Preferred communication methods (email, portal, phone)
• Keep copies of key documents you share with the school in your own records.
• Decide how school will contact you if the other parent arrives unexpectedly or outside agreed times.
• Review privacy options for school portals, photos, and public directories.

Additional tools and professional supports related to family safety planning may also be listed at DV.Support, which collects links to external services and information.

Pickup/Dropoff Adjustments

Adjustments to pickup and dropoff can reduce direct conflict and increase predictability for children.

• Consider neutral locations:
  • Public places with other people around (for example, a library entrance or community center lobby)
  • Designated school or daycare exchange points
• Plan the timing:
  • Use fixed times that are written down when possible.
  • Decide how long to wait if the other party is late.
  • Plan what you and the children will do if there is a missed pickup.
• Reduce in-person contact when helpful:
  • Consider curbside pickup where the child walks to the car while staff observe.
  • Use written communication for logistics when possible.
• Prepare children:
  • Explain the steps of pickup and dropoff in simple, non-blaming language.
  • Practice what they do if plans change or someone different arrives.
• Record changes:
  • Keep a brief log of missed, late, or changed exchanges if documentation is important for your situation.

Safety Language for Kids

Simple, neutral language can help children understand safety without placing blame or asking them to take sides.

• Use short, clear phrases:
  • “My job is to keep you as safe as I can.”
  • “If something feels not okay, you can tell me or another safe adult.”
• Focus on body and space safety:
  • “You can say ‘no’ if someone makes you uncomfortable.”
  • “You can move away and find another adult if you feel worried.”
• Plan what children can say in tricky moments:
  • “I need to use the bathroom.” (to step away and think)
  • “I want to call my mom/dad/other caregiver.”
• Identify safe adults and places:
  • Make a short list of adults at school, activities, or in the neighborhood that children can talk to.
  • Show children where main offices, help desks, or reception areas are in places they visit often.
• Set sharing expectations:
  • Explain that they are allowed to talk about their day with you, even if someone tells them not to.
  • Let them know they will not be in trouble for telling you they felt scared or confused.
• Review safety words or codes:
  • Consider a simple family “code word” for situations where a child feels unsafe and wants to leave or get help.

Recommended Articles

• Safety Planning Checklist
• Parenting Time Transitions: Practical Steps
• Talking with Kids About Safety
• School and Childcare Notifications
• Documentation and Record Keeping Basics