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Safety Words & Signals
A list of simple verbal and nonverbal signals to coordinate with friends or neighbors.
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Safety Tools
Safety Words & Signals
Choosing Safe Words
Some people use simple, ordinary words or short phrases that will not stand out if someone else hears or sees them.
- Option 1: Use a word like “headache” to mean “I need you to check on me now.”
- Option 2: Use a phrase like “Can you send that recipe?” to mean “Please call me and stay on the line.”
- Keep the meaning written down and shared only with people you trust.
- Avoid words your partner or the person harming you already hears often from you and friends.
- Decide what each word or phrase means in clear, simple terms.
Visual Signals
Visual signals can be used on video calls, at the door, or in public places.
- Hand signal on video calls:
- Show an open palm facing the camera.
- Then tuck your thumb into your palm.
- Then fold your fingers down over your thumb.
- Agree in advance that this means “I do not feel safe right now.”
- Door or window signal:
- Object placed in a window (for example, a specific colored cloth) can mean “Please call or knock, I may need help.”
- Lights on/off pattern that friends recognize.
- Public-space signal:
- Standing in a pre-agreed location (for example, near a certain sign or store) during a meet-up can mean “I want to leave quickly.”
Agree in advance on what each signal means and what the other person will do when they see it.
Text-Based Signals
Text or online messages can be used when talking out loud is not safe.
- Everyday code messages:
- “Did you feed the cat?” could mean “Call me now and ask yes/no questions.”
- “Can I borrow your jacket?” could mean “Please come get me if you can.”
- Numbers or symbols:
- Use a number sequence like “111” or “999” to mean “Check in with me in a different way.”
- Use a single agreed emoji in a normal-looking sentence to mean “I am not safe to talk freely.”
- Message style:
- Decide if the signal will be sent alone or hidden in a longer, ordinary message.
- Decide whether it means “Call,” “Text only,” or “Call someone else on my behalf.”
What Friends Can Do When They Receive a Signal
People who agree to respond to safety signals can decide in advance what they are comfortable doing.
1. Confirm the Signal Safely
- Look for:
- The agreed word, phrase, or emoji.
- Changes in tone or message pattern that match what you discussed.
- Avoid:
- Replying in a way that reveals the code to someone else.
- Asking direct questions about abuse if you think messages are being watched.
2. Follow the Agreed Plan
- If the code means “Call me”:
- Call with a neutral reason (for example, “I wanted to ask about dinner plans”).
- Use yes/no questions that can be answered safely.
- If the code means “I want to leave”:
- Offer a practical excuse you can say out loud (for example, “I need you to help me with my car”).
- If planned, offer transportation or a meeting place.
- If the code means “Check in later”:
- Send a follow-up message or call at the time you agreed on.
- Keep the conversation neutral if you think it is being monitored.
3. Keep Records When Safe
- Write down:
- Dates and times of signals received.
- What you saw or heard (for example, hand signal on video, specific text).
- Store any screenshots or notes in a safe place, if the person wants a record of what has been happening.
4. Respect Limits and Safety
- Follow the safety plan you and the person created together.
- Stay within actions you feel prepared and able to take.
- Consider suggesting they review safety planning tools or support options, including resources that can be found through sites such as DV.Support.
Friends can also review a written safety plan together so everyone is clear on what different words and signals mean, and what actions are linked to each one.