Handling Unexpected Encounters

Steps to take if you encounter the abusive person in public unintentionally.

Handling Unexpected Encounters

Maintain distance

Options for creating physical space quickly and calmly:

• Pause where you are and scan for:
  • Open doors (stores, offices, public buildings)
  • Groups of people or staff
  • Clear paths to exits
• Increase distance without drawing attention:
  • Step into a nearby shop, lobby, or public area
  • Move to the opposite side of the street or room
  • Position a barrier between you and them (desk, counter, seats)
• Use body positioning:
  • Keep your side or back turned slightly instead of facing directly
  • Stay closer to exits than to the other person
  • Avoid being cornered in small spaces or behind furniture
• Change your route:
  • Turn down a different aisle, hallway, or street
  • Wait inside a public place until they leave the area
  • Use a different entrance or exit if available

Neutral communication

Options if interaction feels unavoidable:

• Keep responses short:
  • Use brief, neutral phrases (“I can’t talk”, “I have to go”)
  • Avoid explaining your reasons or arguing
  • Do not share new personal details (address, work, routines)
• Control your engagement level:
  • Avoid stepping closer to hear them; ask them to keep distance if needed
  • Do not accept rides, gifts, or “quick” private conversations
  • Limit eye contact if it escalates tension
• Use a set phrase plan:
  • Prepare 1–3 phrases you can repeat, such as:
    • “I am not available to talk.”
    • “Please leave me alone.”
    • “I’m going to go now.”
  • Repeat the same phrase instead of debating
  • Avoid answering questions meant to pull you into discussion
• Protect your information:
  • Do not confirm where you live, work, or who you are with
  • Avoid discussing schedules (children’s activities, work shifts, routines)
  • Be cautious about showing keys, passes, or documents with addresses

Quick exit planning

Steps you can prepare in advance and use during an unexpected encounter:

• Before leaving home:
  • Identify 1–2 nearby places where you could step in quickly (stores, libraries, transit hubs)
  • Keep a charged phone, transit card, and a small amount of cash accessible
  • Decide on one trusted contact you could message if something happens
• In the moment:
  • Move steadily toward:
    • Public areas with staff (shops, stations, reception desks)
    • Well-lit, populated spaces
  • If you are in a vehicle:
    • Stay inside with doors locked and windows mostly up, if that feels safer
    • Drive to a public, staffed location instead of home
  • If on foot:
    • Avoid alleys, quiet stairwells, or isolated paths
    • Change direction more than once if you think you are being followed
• Involving others:
  • Ask staff calmly:
    • “Can I wait here for a few minutes?”
    • “Could you call security?” (if available)
  • Call or text your trusted contact with simple, clear information:
    • Where you are
    • Who you encountered
    • What you plan to do next
  • Consider arranging simple code words with trusted people in advance, so they know when you want a call or support
• After you leave:
  • Write down:
    • Time, date, and location
    • What happened and any witnesses or cameras nearby
  • Store screenshots, messages, or call logs related to the encounter
  • Review your routes and routines to see if any adjustments feel useful

When to call for help

Consider outside help any time safety, threats, or ongoing contact are a concern.

• Possible reasons to contact law enforcement or security may include:
  • They refuse to leave you alone after you clearly asked
  • They are following you by car, on foot, or waiting outside places you visit
  • They make threats, display weapons, or damage property
  • They violate conditions of a court order or agreement
• Information that may be useful to have ready:
  • Your location and direction of travel
  • Physical description and any vehicle details (make, model, color, plate if safe to note)
  • Whether there have been prior incidents
  • Whether any children or other people are with you
• Other support options:
  • Local advocates or legal information services that explain your options
  • Workplace or campus security if the encounter happens there
  • Property management or building security if it occurs at your residence

Recommended Articles

• Personal Safety Planning Checklist
• Staying Safer in Public Places
• Gathering Evidence and Documentation
• Handling Digital Contact and Boundaries
• Planning Safer Daily Routines